Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Ain't no rest for the wicked

05:27 EST, on August 25th, 2009 marks what I hope will be the thrilling conclusion to this condition that has left me with somewhere between 2-4 hours of restless sleep almost every night for the past two years.

This could be the result of many things.

It is possible (however very unlikely) that it could be because after two years of trying, I still have yet to find the slightest form of a tattoo anywhere on my body. My sketchbook is filling up with ideas begging to be brought to life. Nothing like a good old constant reminder.

In fact, the reason behind this ink-less situation is probably one of the reasons for my lack of slumber, and I'm sure it won't come as a surprise to you when I point my finger at my own financial situation. It boggles my mind as to how I am able to survive (financially, that is) given the incredible amount of debt that I am in. And yet, somehow I still manage to wake up every morning and find enough money for the train and/or food.

(The total number of GO Transit tickets I have acquired this year is somewhere around 140)

On a HUGE plus side to this insomnia, I have recently become the babysitter to my good friend Taras Semenchenko's upright Wadsworth, which now sits proudly in the corner of my basement, between my couch and the toy closet. Over the past couple of months, I've gone from knowing one song to knowing how to play fluently in several different key signatures. Three cheers for personal goals never set.

(05:39 // mind is drawing blanks)

It seems that whatever big mystery I was abou-

(05:40 // back on track)

I have declared the past 12 months (actually, spanning July 2008 to August 2009) as the year of death, whether it be death in body, in mind, in love, and in friendship, all of which may have occurred from a first, second and third person perspective. I have also declared it the year of family, dreams, successes and major head trauma.

(05:43 // new idea)

After acquiring my first authentic full time job back in March of this year, that your job no longer revolves around your life; in fact this order is inverted, and it has become abundantly clear to me just how easy and common it is for someone to start hating their work. Is this a result of poor fate, or a lack of effort and strive for success? I happen to love my job, even if it means getting up every morning at 06:30 and taking the hour-long walk home in the evening. Music is always a great companion. Perhaps it is why I have chosen at as my career of preference.

Every day it seems that the more focus that goes into that career, the bigger the impact it has on the people around me. My life has gone from anything exciting (ex. spending 6 hours a day in your room playing your instrument) to - well, insomnia.

Apparently somebody else in my family is suffering from this as well.

Turns out it's just my dad getting up early to start a long day of work.

Thank goodness I don't have to go to work today, cause boy, am I tired.

I promise to try and pick this up sometime between questioning everything and falling asleep to the only song that seems to send me to slumber these days.

Lyrics to that song below. Enjoy!

"I'm on the corner waiting for a light to come on
That's when I know that you're alone
It's cold in the desert, water never sees the ground
Special unspoken without sound

Told me you love me, that I'd never die alone
Hand over your heart, let's go home
Everyone noticed, everyone has seen the signs
I've always been known to cross lines

I never ever cried when I was feeling down
I've always been scared of the sound
Jesus don't love me, no one ever carried my load
I'm too young to feel this old

Here's to you, here's to me
On to us, nobody knows
Nobody sees, nobody but me"